A Girl of Faith on Infertility

When I was in the midst of having hypothalamic amenorrhea, I was rooted in the efforts of orthorexia because of my faith. In my mind, being healthy meant answering the call. Being thin meant that I was able to do what I was called to do. I wanted to be strong enough to do whatever my purpose led me into. I didn’t know what it was, but I wanted to be prepared for it. 

When my period disappeared, I started to think that there was a different problem beyond my habits; I refused to think that readying my body for battle was causing an issue. But then I was also reminded that I was made to procreate. The hardest part came from understanding where I had gone too far. Letting go of the “healthy” version I had built myself into felt messy. It was hard for me to realize that all of the things I was doing to be healthy had caused me to be unhealthy. 

So what have I learned, and what can I pass on to you?

God did, in fact, give you the ability to procreate. Whether or not you decide to have kids, he’s masterfully designed your body that way.

How do we know? Your body shuts down functions without fertility. Our bodies need the flow of estrogen and progesterone to keep all of the other aspects of our body working. Your adrenals, your thyroid, your skin, nails, bones, gut, brain… all of it is affected by your hormones. You’ve probably heard the expression that your period is your fifth vital sign–it is. If you ignore that vital sign, your body stops working the way it was designed to. Proverbs 31:27: “She is vigilant over the activities of her household; she doesn’t eat the food of laziness.” Have you taken this quote to a new level? Are you unable to relax because of your worry to be lazy?

We are not supposed to be like men.

Genesis 2:18-24: “This one finally is bone from my bones and flesh from my flesh. She will be called a woman because from a man she was taken.” We are similar, but we were also made separately. The reason that you have lost your period is a sign that you’ve moved too far into the masculine energy. You’re taking control obsessively. You’re pushing yourself in a way that isn’t in line with your design. Proverbs 31:25: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” How much of the future are your trying to control?

You were made to be the compliment. This isn’t to say that you aren’t as strong as a man or that you don’t measure up; you were made to bring a different aspect to the world. It isn’t a problem that we are different from men. It is a sign that we are created for our own purpose. God has created you for a specific reason. Your missing period is showing that you’re out of alignment. 

1 Corinthians 11:11-12 '“However, woman isn’t independent from man, and man isn’t independent from woman in the Lord. As woman came from man so also man comes from woman. But everything comes from God.”

This is not beyond God’s control.

Psalm 46:5 “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” The baby you want to have, the ultimate health goals you want to reach, the period you want to see again… God can do what he wants as he is all powerful. While our bodies are full science, there’s a level that goes beyond what we know. God is using this experience as he uses all of them to move you into what you’re truly meant to be. He’s trying to show you, teach you. He’s putting people and knowledge in your path for a reason.

Deuteronomy 8:22 “Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.”

You are not broken.

1 Corinthians 3:16 “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?”

Psalms 139:13 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

You are part of the design and your body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do when it is tested, pushed, or stressed. Don’t listen to the people who say that your destiny for children or a period is riddled with medications and injections. You are designed to have children in a safe environment. We have the knowledge of what your body needs to be properly cared for holistically. If your fertility is not happening yet, there’s a reason connected to how you’re living your life—there’s a lack of safety for your body. 

Hold fast and keep the faith.